I’ve always known I was adopted. As a child, I sometimes visited my birth mom, though those visits didn’t always happen regularly. When I was six, my adoption became official, and my dad’s parents adopted me. My mama, my mawmaw, raised me and loved me like her own child. Today, this is called a kinship placement.

I loved her very much, but sometimes I felt confused and upset. Sometimes I was angry that she wasn’t my mom. I remember telling her, “You’re not my mama. I want to go live with my mama.” If your child says something like this, it’s not meant to hurt you; it’s because they are hurting. My own child sometimes reminds me that I am not her mama. I always answer, no, I am not your birth mother, but I am the one caring for you right now.

Adoption brought grief into my life early on. I was separated from my birth mom, and when I was seventeen, she died while I still had many questions. Years later, when I was thirty-six, my grandmother, the woman who raised me, also passed away. These experiences showed me how complicated love, loss, and belonging can be in adoption.

My childhood experiences have shaped how I parent now. In our home, we talk openly about adoption. My children know their story, and we call their birth mom their mom. They know they have two moms as part of their lives. If reconnecting with their birth mom ever feels right and healthy, that option will be there. For now, my job is to love them, support them, and help them grow into themselves.

Adoption can be beautiful, but it also brings complicated feelings for both parents and children. Many adoptive parents face questions they never saw coming—about identity, attachment, grief, loyalty, and belonging. Even in loving homes, adoption can have challenges that families may not expect.

Sometimes parents aren’t sure how to talk about adoption, help their child with tough feelings, or respond when questions or behaviors come up. Parents may also have feelings they don’t know how to handle. You don’t have to face these moments by yourself.

Low Tide Lighthouse was started to give adoptive parents a place to talk, ask honest questions, and get guidance without judgment. Whether you’re having tough conversations about adoption, facing family challenges, or just want someone who understands both the parent and adoptee side, support is here for you.

Adoption and kinship care often come with similar emotional challenges. Whether you adopted through foster care, privately, or are raising a relative’s child, families deserve support as they work through the realities of parenting after adoption.

I understand many of the struggles your adopted child may face. Even as an adoptive mom myself, there are days when I find it hard to carry everything that comes with adoption.

For many adoptive parents, these times can feel confusing or even scary. As children grow and learn more about their story, questions about birth families, identity, and belonging often come up. Having guidance and a safe place to talk about these moments can make a real difference for both parents and children.

Every adoption story is different, and the challenges families face can be very different too. That’s why most support for adoptive and kinship families at Low Tide Lighthouse is offered through private consultations.

How I support adoptive parents and kinship families

These one-on-one conversations give parents a private space to talk openly about the questions and challenges they are facing, such as:

• identity questions from children

• navigating conversations about birth families

• attachment struggles

• behavioral challenges

• parenting burnout

• stress on marriages and family dynamics

• supporting children through grief and loss

Sometimes parents just need a place to talk about what’s happening at home with someone who understands adoption and the feelings that come with it.

When everything feels overwhelming, it can seem like the ground is always moving under your feet. That’s what chronic stress and trauma do—they keep you feeling unsteady, like you’re always in the surf.

I always encourage being open and honest with your adopted child about their story. You don’t have to share everything right away, but it’s important to talk about their story in ways that fit their age and understanding.

When I talk with my younger children, I keep things simple. For example, I might say, “Your mom wasn’t able to take care of you at that time, so you came to live with me.” As they get older and can understand more, I share more details with them.

Each child’s story is unique. One of my children’s birth mothers asked me to adopt her. Another child has learned more details now that he’s older and can handle the more complicated parts of his story.

Children deserve to know where they come from, and it’s important to talk about it with love and respect for everyone involved. Being open helps them feel more secure and builds trust in the family.

Adoption brings love and a sense of belonging, but it can also lead to questions about identity and how a child’s story started.

Studies show that 70 to 90 percent of adopted people look for information about their biological families at some point. For most adoptees, this curiosity isn’t about rejecting their adoptive family, but about learning more about their own history and identity.

When adoptive families make room for open conversations about these questions, it helps children feel safe exploring their story and stay closely connected to their family.

Adoption and kinship care last a lifetime, and sometimes parents just need someone to talk to. If you’re working through these conversations or facing challenges in your family, Low Tide Lighthouse is here to offer guidance, support, and a safe place to talk about what’s ahead.