Potential Foster and Adoptive Parents
Are you ready to foster a child?
If you are considering foster care or adoption, this page is meant to slow you down, not rush you forward. I have been in your position. I understand the pull, the hope, and the sense of calling. I also understand what no one explained clearly enough before I said yes.
Take our foster care readiness quiz here.
Learn more about The Shore Walk
A REAL REFLECTION ON THOSE WHO FEEL CALLED
I know a lot of people feel called to foster or adopt. I felt that way too. My mom was in foster care, and I was adopted myself. That history played a big part in my decision to foster. But once I started, I realized I hadn’t faced some of my own unhealed trauma, which was mixed in with my reasons for doing this. What I thought was strength was sometimes just pushing myself too far. What I thought was selflessness was often pain I hadn’t dealt with, driving me past my limits. Feeling called doesn’t always mean you’re ready. No amount of training can fully prepare you for what this work brings up. We went through things no one warned us about. Here are some of the realities many families quietly face:
Children running away,
Sexualized behaviors that linger in your mind long after they happen,
Hearing stories that are more intense than anything you see on television,
Witnessing the very real impact of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse,
Realizing that what seem like simple parenting moments, like putting on shoes in the cold, are not simple when a child has never known consistency or safety.
I saw babies go through drug withdrawal. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever seen. Another was watching my marriage nearly fall apart. We got so focused on caring for the kids that we stopped caring for each other. We spent years in marriage counseling. I’m still in therapy, six years later. It’s not because we failed, but because we needed help that no one told us we would need. None of the training prepared me for the emotional, physical, and relational toll foster care took on our family or on my own health. Yes, we adopted.
We love our children deeply, and we still have hard days. Adoption doesn’t erase trauma. Love can’t undo the past. Good intentions don’t stop the impact. I’m sharing this not to scare you, but to help you be prepared.
No one prepared me for these parts. These are the conversations I wish I’d had before our first placement.
Understanding Foster Care by the Numbers
The foster care system is complex, and many families begin the journey without fully understanding how it works.
A few numbers help explain why preparation and support matter.
About 50–55% of children who enter foster care are eventually reunited with their biological families. Reunification is the primary goal of the system.
Children in foster care experience an average of 2–3 placements, though some experience many more before reaching permanency.
Agencies report that 30–50% of foster parents stop fostering within the first year or two, often due to lack of preparation or support.
Behind every number is a child and a family navigating a complicated system. That is why preparation, honesty, and support matter.
This is why thoughtful preparation matters before saying yes.
REALITY, PAUSE, READY
If you want to move forward in a sustainable way, follow this three-step process for making decisions.
1. REALITY
We do not sugarcoat the facts. This approach asks you to face trauma-related behaviors, exhaustion, relationship stress, and the ways this journey might reveal your own unresolved issues. You deserve complete honesty before making a big life change.
2. PAUSE
Do not rush this decision. Taking a pause is not wasting time; it shows you are managing risk wisely. Review this information, step away from your screen, and talk it over with your spouse, support network, or a trusted therapist.
3. READY
You can only ask yourself the main question: are you ready, after you have faced reality and taken time to pause.
Not hopeful.
Not called.
Not willing.
READY.
Being ready means you understand the full responsibility involved, have built a strong support system, know your boundaries, and are open to letting this process change you. Ready does not mean perfect. It means you are prepared and able to protect your well-being.
This reflection was created from both lived and professional experience, as a foster and adoptive parent, and from working within the system.
Over and over, I heard the same questions: How do we keep foster parents from burning out? How do we keep families from quitting? How do we prevent children from being moved from home to home? What I came to understand is this: many families do not realize the full emotional toll until they are already inside it.
The first weeks run on adrenaline and hope. Then exhaustion sets in. Sleep deprivation. Compassion fatigue. Strain on marriages.
Without preparation and support, families can feel overwhelmed before they even understand what is happening. That is why this work exists.
Learn about the Shore Walk
The Readiness Reflection
What you’ll gain from this
• A clear and honest look at your current situation, before anyone asks you to make a commitment.
• Questions that your agency will never ask, including those about your marriage, your personal history, and how you would respond if a child made a false accusation.
• Results that show you where to begin, not whether you passed. There’s no passing score and no wrong answer.
• Twenty minutes, completely private. Nobody sees your answers but you.
Who this is for
You’re curious and not ready to decide yet, or your spouse is further along in the process and you want to catch up honestly.
Who this is not for
If you’re looking for reassurance, this won’t provide it, and that’s not its purpose.Before moving forward with a state licensing contract, most families ask the foundational question: “How do we know if we’re actually ready?”
This diagnostic tool invites you to reflect deeply on:
• The actual stability of your current season of life
• How your household biology handles acute stress and structural disruption
• The true, unvarnished impact foster care will have on your marriage and existing children.
• The functional capacity of your current support system and your actual ability to ask for help.
• The specific ways your own unresolved personal history may surface during this journey.
Some of these questions will cause discomfort. That is entirely intentional. In this work, discomfort is not a signal to stop; it is data proving you are thinking honestly. And absolute honesty is the primary way adults protect children from further systemic harm.
Readiness Reflection
An honest look before you say yes
The Readiness Reflection is a guided set of questions designed to help you think through the emotional, practical, and relational realities of welcoming a child from foster care or adoption into your home.
It is simply a structured way to slow down and look honestly at areas that often go unexamined before the first placement. Some questions may feel uncomfortable. That is intentional.
Discomfort does not mean you should stop. It simply means you are thinking honestly. And honesty is one of the most important ways adults protect children.
For each question below, you will respond using this scale:
A REAL REFLECTION ON THOSE WHO FEEL CALLED
REALITY, PAUSE, READY
Before you decide to become a foster or adoptive parent, it’s important to understand the specific challenges and responsibilities you will face.
1. Institutional Allegations Are Part of the Landscape
Even the most experienced and dedicated foster parents may face at least one formal allegation at some point. Most of these are fully investigated and usually found to be untrue, but the process can be very stressful. Knowing how investigations work and how to keep your home environment safe is an important part of being prepared.
2. Runaway Dynamics and the Meaning Behind the Behavior
About 40% of foster youth who are reported missing run away more than once while in care.
A note from my living room: When one of my foster daughters came to us at 18, she already had eight different CHINS (Child in Need of Services/Supervision) charges. What many people see as a child just "acting out" is usually a survival response to deep instability, trauma, and not having enough support.
3. The Reality of Aging Out vs. The Power of Stability
Every year, more than 23,000 young people leave foster care without a permanent family. Nearly half of them will experience homelessness by their mid-20s.
That same daughter who came to us with eight CHINS charges didn’t need her behavior changed. She needed stability, clear guidance, and a safe place to calm her mind. We helped her enroll in college, supported her through early adulthood, and gave her a steady home while she planned her future. Today, she has a college degree and works to help teens who are leaving the same system she went through. The hardest stories can lead to the best outcomes, but only if the adults are steady and committed.
Why Clear Sight is Non-Negotiable
Children in foster care or adoption have already faced a lot of loss, instability, and trauma. If adults take on this role without being ready, even with the best intentions, it’s the children who suffer. They may lose attachments, face more moves, or experience even more disruption.
Good intentions matter, but they are not enough. Love is important, but it can’t protect against every challenge. Feeling called to this work is just the beginning; being truly prepared is what makes the difference.
To truly help these children, adults need to be fully prepared for what’s ahead. I share these thoughts because every child deserves adults who understand what they are taking on.
Learn more about my program The Shore Walk
I am not trying to scare you, I am trying to prepare you.
If You Want Guided Support
If this reflection surfaces questions, doubts, or clarity you would like help processing, guided support is available. The 6-Week Before the Tide is designed for prospective foster and adoptive parents who want more than a checklist, who want honest preparation, guided discussion, and real-world context before moving forward. You do not have to sort through this alone.
Learn about The Shore Walk
Low tide reveals what was always there, but couldn’t be seen until now. And sometimes, it shows you that what once felt steady… has shifted.